Mental Health Resources

I was thrilled to learn that there is a Crisis Text Line for people in the United States. Send your text to 741741 any time you are in crisis to receive support. The organization is hiring and accepting volunteers. They’re also expanding to help people in other countries develop similar resources.

Additionally, MoodNetwork is a research study in which people with mood disorders and our family members can work as equal partners with doctors and researchers to develop better treatments. The network is currently accepting research participants.

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Awareness Wednesday

May is Mental Health Awareness Month (for another week and a half), so here are some links to sites and articles about mental health:

Mental Health America.net has resources and involvement opportunities

May 7th was Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day

Make the Connection has support and resources for veterans and their families

The Young Minds Advocacy Project works for legal and social change to help low-income youth access mental health resources

Minority Mental Health Awareness Month includes links to information and resources for people of color

Speak Out! a powerful statement by a Latina feminist mental health activist

Mental Health Awareness and the LGBT Community

Bisexual Mental Health

Transgender Mental Health

National Mental Health Awareness Month and the Importance of Language

Every month is Mental Health Awareness Month here at a day with depression, and I’m glad to have the support of President Barack Obama’s proclamation for one month each year.

Among the topics he discusses – care for veterans, reduction of stigma, that “taking action to help yourself is a sign of strength,” etc. – I personally am most grateful for the Affordable Care Act. As a result of this legislation, Fox and I have health insurance that enables us to receive the medication and marriage counseling we need. Around this time last year I felt like our marriage was falling apart. Now we’re working together and supporting each other. Fox has held down a job for 6 months (and counting!). I am less than a week away from completing the last two classes I need for my Master’s degree; after nailing my piano final last night(!) I feel like I’m ready for internship and will be an awesome music therapist.

I have a bone to pick with President Obama, though. His proclamation begins:

This year, approximately one in five American adults — our friends, colleagues, and loved ones — will experience a diagnosable mental health condition […] and many others will be troubled by significant emotional and psychological distress, especially in times of difficulty.  For most of these people, treatment can be effective and recovery is possible.

(emphasis mine)

I wish he would use more inclusive language; that would be a great way to reduce the stigma around mental health issues. The language in this proclamation suggests that mental health issues affect other people, even if “they” are the people “we” interact with every day. It seems like the President is trying to distance himself from the people who live and struggle and sometimes even thrive with these issues. He’s practically saying: “this thing exists and we need to be aware of it – and just to be clear it doesn’t affect me, and I don’t think it affects you.” IMHO, that contributes to the stigma.

I imagine that we’re all in a room, and Mr. Obama is on the stage giving a speech, and I’m in the front row because hey, I’m the one imagining it. He’s talking to me… about me, as though I’m not sitting right in front of him and can’t hear him. I’m probably one of the people who are the happiest to be there listening to him, and yet he’s not really talking to me. I think maybe he’s talking to the person sitting next to me.

However, more than 20% of the people in this room are the population he’s talking about (as though we’re not there listening to him – probably filling the front-and-center seats). The person sitting next to me might feel the same way I do; they probably think I am a member of the President’s intended audience. But neither of us will admit it, because then we’d be marking ourselves as “other” – as not really belonging in that room where “normal” people go to become more aware of us. (How ironic is that?) Instead of connecting with each other, we each go home feeling more isolated than ever. (And the “normal” people go home unaware that we were literally sitting right in front of them.)

What about us? I wish someone would say: “This year, approximately one in five of us will experience a diagnosable mental health condition and many more of us will experience significant emotional and psychological distress, especially in times of difficulty. For most of us, treatment can be effective and recovery is possible.”

That wording makes it sound like mental health issues affect everyone, and needing help with them is normal. If I attended a speech and the speaker said that, I would feel like I belonged in that room. Isn’t that what reducing stigma is all about?

You don’t have to be one of the “one in five” – or the “many more” – to use this language. You just have to be willing to admit – to yourself and everyone else – that you could be. If you’re brave enough to do that, you can help us feel safe admitting that we are. That’s how you let us know we’re “not alone.”

Mental Illness Awareness Week

In honor of the work NAMI does, the first full week of October (10/5-11) is “Mental Illness Awareness Week.” People are encouraged to wear green, there’s apparently a solid green ribbon, and depending on your location there may be various events to raise awareness. People are also encouraged to “Tell your story and help inspire others!” – just be aware that the submission guidelines give NAMI permission to add or delete information as they see fit.

The phrases "It's time," "Mental illness affects everyone," and "Go green for Mental Illness Awareness Week" on a green background. There is a solid green ribbon in the center of the image.

Image from http://www.nami.org; Visitors are encouraged to post this as their Facebook profile picture and another image from the site as the banner on their timeline.

I have to admit, I’m not feeling particularly “inspired.” I’m pretty sure my “story” would be rejected because I don’t want to try to spin it (or allow it to be spun) to be a “message of hope” for other people. Frankly, I don’t think we need to spread “hope,” we need people to understand the harsh realities we and our loved ones face: the stigma, the uncertainty, the pain of thinking we’re getting better just to have another horrible day, the difficulty accessing mental healthcare, the ways in which our illnesses impact our relationships, etc. – basically, the stuff mental health bloggers post about year-round! If people really want to raise awareness, they should link to us. (Note: NAMI prohibits links to personal blogs or websites in their “You Are Not Alone” submission guidelines … but there’s nothing to keep someone from posting whatever links they want on their own social media pages, etc.)

Some places to get started (besides this blog): A Canvas of the Minds, Blog for Mental Health, The Mental Health Writers’ Guild, and Broken Light: A Photography Collective. I’ve selected these sites to link to here because they in turn link to individual bloggers who write about a wide range of mental health related topics. I welcome additional suggestions in comments!

Understanding our experiences is a good start, but it isn’t enough. We need to work together to change them – which means changing social, cultural, and especially institutional norms to be healthier for people (especially children) so we don’t get mental illnesses in the first place. I think most if not all of the “stigma” around mental illness exists because talking about it ultimately requires us to question and challenge norms that form the cultural and more importantly financial foundations for our societies, including: valuing people for their economic success, unattainable standards of beauty, pressure to conform to gender roles from birth (particularly masculinity), various intersecting systems of privilege and oppression, etc. etc. etc.

When I told Fox I was uncomfortable sharing my story – because it’s not the after-the-fact, good depressive “success” story they want to hear – he said it’s the story people need to hear. The here-I-am-right-in-the-middle-of-the-storm story. The I-don’t-know-how-long-I-can-hold-on reality. The “actually, I’m the one who could use some hope, because a big part of my problem right now is that I don’t have any.”

I’ve had mental illnesses on the “mood disorder” and “anxiety” spectra for most of my life, and I’ve been consistently living with diagnosable symptoms for over 4 years. I don’t even know what my diagnosis is, and frankly, I’m inclined to think that’s for the better. It’s frustrating to be unsure what to even say I have, but it means I and the people trying to help me can focus on my individual needs and what I’ve found to be helpful (or unhelpful). It means we can move past labels to the underlying psychological structures and processes that may have been adaptive at one point in my life, but came at a cost I can’t afford to keep paying.

In a word, it means I can focus on my own personal growth.

I think it’s great that in addition to Mental Health Awareness Month in May, there is a week in October dedicated to, well, basically the same thing. I kind of wish they didn’t call it Mental Illness Awareness Week though – because an illness is something outside of or other than oneself that affects one (hopefully temporarily) and needs to be treated, if possible, cured. It’s very easy for people to say “Well, I don’t have this illness, so this issue isn’t relevant to me;” if someone they care about has one or more mental illnesses, they may not even be aware of it (unlike with a less-stigmatized condition, which people would probably talk about).

Additionally, I haven’t found it helpful to think of my previously-adaptive, now increasingly problematic patterns of thought and behavior as an “illness” that is separate from and/or imposed upon my self. If anything, I’ve found it to be harmful; it means there’s something “wrong” with me that needs to be “fixed” in order for me to “function” in society, and until that happens I’m worth less than “healthy” individuals.

These patterns of thought and behavior, whether I like them or not, are part of me. I created them to protect me. They’ve helped me meet the demands placed on me by parents, other family members, teachers, employers, etc. They’re part of how I learned skills I still find useful, that are necessary if I ever want to have a career and other things that people associate with “functioning” and having a “normal” and/or “meaningful” life. Getting rid of them wholesale as part of “curing” my “mental illness” would be a disaster.

What I need, as mentioned earlier, is to grow. Part of that is letting go of the things that are hurting me or aren’t helping me any more. A lot of it is changing things that are adaptive in some ways, harmful in others. For example, my perfectionism: I place a very high value on creating the very best product I possibly can – such as well-written, relatable, informative blog posts. I put a lot of effort into accomplishing this, and gain a lot of satisfaction from doing so. Great. When I apply it to academic papers, the result is usually a grade of A. Fantastic. But I need to stop allowing my desire to produce the best quality product to keep me from starting the process, or to cause me to neglect my other needs and responsibilities during the process. I need to stop basing my self-esteem on how others respond (or don’t respond) to my work. I need to develop an inherent sense of self-worth, a concept I frankly don’t understand because it’s never been an intrinsic part of how I understand myself or the world; it’s not part of how I was raised or the society I was raised in. We value and celebrate people based on what they do, and deny people access to basic needs – never mind “rights” – because we don’t see them doing enough to “earn” it. The closest I can come to understanding inherent self-worth is to try to apply my belief that other people deserve to have their basic needs met no matter what to myself.

If there’s anything to be aware of during Mental Illness Awareness Week, I think it’s actually the message from NAMI that yes, it affects everyone. Everyone has to develop some unhealthy patterns of thought and behavior to survive in a society that was built by the privileged and wealthy to continue benefiting themselves at the expense of everyone else. These patterns influence how we treat each other and raise our kids and perceive ourselves. Some of us just show it more; we become the mirror no one wants to look at because they when they do, they see what they don’t want to know about themselves. I wish I could say something like “It’s not that scary,” but to be honest I still find it very difficult. I guess all I can ask is for people to pick up the mirror and pass it around, so we all have the opportunity to look. Wear green and post a selfie. Send out the message that this is important.

Blog for Mental Health 2013

I was so excited to learn about the Blog for Mental Health 2013 Project on A Canvas of the Minds! It is an effort to raise awareness about what it is like to live with mental illness, from the perspectives of people with mental illness. It is also an effort to end suffering in silence, bringing people with mental illness together in a community of dialogue and support.

In other words, it’s pretty much exactly what I want my blog, a day with depression, to be: sharing my experiences, both for my own healing and to help others – whether through educating them about mental illness, or by letting them know they are not alone. By sharing our experiences and insights, perhaps we can help each other heal – or at least cope. Perhaps we can create a world that works with people who have mental illness to help us live fully in society.

blogformentalhealth20131And so I pledge my commitment to the Blog For Mental Health 2013 Project.  I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others.  By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health.  I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.

I chose to take the pledge after reading about it on Disorderly Chickadee.

My Mental Health Biography

I remember a childhood that included having anger management issues, feeling like I couldn’t express my emotions safely and effectively, and feeling isolated from my peers. I often daydreamed as a coping mechanism; later I would have difficulty paying attention even when I wanted to. My father physically abused me at least once; I have carried the guilt, shame, and fear of others’ anger with me, believing he was justified in how he treated me until very recently. His fight with lung cancer and death 15 years ago left me devastated.

I received psychotherapy / talk therapy a couple of times as an adolescent. I don’t remember it being very effective. I focused primarily on my schoolwork and had some friends and extracurricular activities; I was functional but often felt grumpy, out of place, and misunderstood. Around the same time, my mother started depending on me to fill her emotional needs, often at the expense of my own.

My freshman year of college had its ups and downs, but mostly I remember it as a good time in my life. When I returned for my sophomore year, I felt like something was wrong. I felt sad, isolated, like I wasn’t ready to be back. Spring 2005 was the first time I was diagnosed with depression; that fall was the first time I took medication for it (Wellbutrin). The medication seemed to help; I decided to stop taking it and terminate therapy the following spring. Despite the depression, I tend to think of my college years as the best time of my life.

I graduated magna cum laude and worked for almost 2 years before matriculating as a graduate student. At work, supervisors noticed that I had low energy. I felt tired, sad, and frustrated much of the time (at least partially because of work, but I believe there were mental health issues as well). I felt another depressive episode coming on in early Spring 2010 – my second semester of graduate school – and though it has waxed and waned, it has never fully lifted.

I began receiving music therapy as a client in Fall 2010. My work has focused mostly on self-esteem, assertiveness, expressing emotions (especially anger), and overcoming anxiety. The first psychiatrist I saw in late July 2012 diagnosed me with dysthymia and prescribed Wellbutrin; my current psychiatrist (whom I’ve been seeing since mid-December) diagnosed me with a major depressive episode and prescribed Zoloft. The Zoloft, continuing music therapy, and writing in this blog seem to be helping.

Take the Pledge!

Participating bloggers are encouraged to pledge 5 other people to the project. I’m not sure whom to pledge, so consider this an open invitation.

Visit the Blog for Mental Health 2013 post on A Canvas of the Minds for instructions on how to pledge, including how to be included in their official blogroll.

If you decide to take the pledge, please comment with a link to your “Blog for Mental Health 2013” post and I’ll gladly feature it here. If you do so, please consider using this post as your link to the person who pledged you.