Oh, this is bad. This is really bad.
I’m exhausted but I can’t bring myself to go to sleep. Like, I’m falling asleep, I’m having auditory hallucinations, I feel completely and utterly drained of all energy … but I … it’s not even that I don’t want to go to sleep, I do. And it’s not that I can’t go to sleep. I just … I don’t know, I’m finding whatever else I can do. The computer isn’t helping but I know how to shut it down. There’s something else going on.
And I’m like barely eating. When I eat, it’s smaller portions. I don’t know if it matters that I’ve been drinking a lot of ginger ale lately? Soda, sugar … I dunno. I do know I’m not drinking enough water.
I was outside for much of the day yesterday, walking around. It was pretty awesome. But I had two nights in a row of very little sleep. So I spent most of today exhausted, with sore muscles … not exactly the best motivation to go outside and move around, gorgeous as it was today.
I hate how cluttered this apartment is, especially my desk. I couldn’t tolerate sitting at it today. But I can’t quite bring myself to do anything about it – I kinda feel like what’s the point, it’s just gonna get cluttered again. Mom sent me “4 tips for decluttering your home;” I would’ve laughed if I’d had the energy. They’re like “put a bandaid on your broken arm” or something. (She meant well, it’s just not addressing the real issue.)