Depression Pool

I felt very tired and sad all day today; it took all my energy to do anything. I felt like I was trying to interact with the world from the bottom of a pool.

We went to talk to the representative at the venue where we’re having our wedding celebration; I felt like he was being very curt, talking down to us, lecturing us, and trying to get us out of there as quickly as possible. It had to be at least partially depression goggles; I can’t imagine he would still have a job if he treated everyone the way I felt like he was treating us. We accomplished most of what we wanted while we were there – I think, the whole thing felt very disorganized – but I left feeling as dissatisfied as if we’d missed our appointment or something.

We went grocery shopping on the way home. We kept to the list, found everything we needed, and headed home tired but satisfied. At one point I even found myself dancing to the music playing in the store. When we got home I just sat in the car for a couple of minutes, then got stuck holding the same weird position for a while as I was trying to get out of the car. I was sitting sideways in the seat, one or both of my feet on the ground, leaning against the door frame and staring at a spot about 5 feet away. My limbs felt too heavy to move.

I’m kind of amazed that I managed to stay awake for about 13 hours today. If my body had its way, I think I would’ve spent the whole time drifting in and out of sleep. Should I be proud that I accomplished things even though I was feeling so miserable?

I’m moving ahead with wedding planning and the summer course I signed up for begins on Monday and I have a job interview over the phone tomorrow morning (which I already postponed twice because I was sick). Maybe this lethargy is a sign that I’m not ready to pick up my life again just yet… or at least that I’m trying to do too much at once.

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