I’ve been taking some steps toward taking better care of myself, largely relying on the apps that are available to me now that I have an Android tablet.
The app I’ve found most useful so far is called “Stop Panic and Anxiety” and is available for free. It plays “audios” (streamed from the internet, which admittedly is not always ideal) for panic assistance, emotion training, and relaxation. I’ve been listening to one of the relaxation audios – essentially, guided meditation with music – to help myself fall asleep at night. My muscles seem to melt as I listen to it and I start to feel better. It should help even more if I listen to the other audios (not the one I use to fall asleep) at different points during the day.
I’ve also been using 2 other free apps, “Depression Inventory” and “eMoods”, to track my symptoms. My score on the Depression Inventory has been remaining steady in the mid-40s, securely in the “moderate depression” range.
eMoods is nice because I can track some contributing factors (medication, hours slept, verbal therapy, etc.) as well as my depression, irritability, and anxiety. I’m not entirely sure how useful tracking is right now as I’m not really seeing any change, and it can be very easy to keep giving the same responses. I think eMoods would be more useful if I had a way to measure my anxiety and irritability, as I’ve been using the Depression Inventory to measure depression. Back to the app store!
(eMoods is intended for people with bipolar and also measures elevated mood.)
Another app I’ve been using is “Assistant”, which I found by searching for Android equivalents of Siri. It’s the only one I’ve found that lets you set reminders that repeat every day (but not weekly, e.g. every Thursday). In theory it’s very useful, except that I find it way too easy to just ignore the reminders. If I pay $3/month or $20/once I’ll be able to teach it my own commands, customize its appearance and voice, etc. I’m still debating whether I think the upgrade is worth the cost. It might be if I can teach it what “every Thursday” means – and decide to stop ignoring the reminders!
Finally, I’ve renewed my commitment to actually using all the prepaid massages I’ve accumulated at Massage Envy. The way their membership works, you pay about $60 per month and can get a 1-hour massage at no extra cost (other than tip/gratuity). Any additional massages you get that month are at a reduced cost. If you don’t use your prepaid massage one month, it carries over to the next. And so on.
I let so much time pass between massages that I estimate I have about 13 prepaid massages available to me after using 2 of them on hot stone therapy on Sunday. I can’t afford to keep paying the membership fee while I’m not working, but if I cancel my membership I’ll lose the prepaid massages and have wasted hundreds of dollars! Ideally, if I use the massages they will help me feel well enough to find and keep a job; then I might be able to afford to continue my membership. Otherwise, I’m hoping to gain some benefit while using up my existing massages so I can cancel my membership guilt-free.
The massage on Sunday was good, but I left feeling a bit disappointed. I think the biggest factor was that the muscles in my scalp and face were very tense, but my therapist didn’t massage them because doing so was not part of the hot stone therapy (nor, I learned later, one of his areas of expertise). It was very hard for me to feel relaxed and rejuvenated when my jaw was sore from clenching, even though I’d enjoyed most of the massage and felt the muscles that were massaged relax. I also think (and realized then) that I was wearing depression goggles: it’s really hard to feel good about something when you feel completely drained and sad.
The most useful part of Sunday’s appointment actually happened afterward. I politely told the receptionist that my face and scalp were very tense, but the therapist had not massaged them, and asked why. She suggested a different type of massage and went out of her way to schedule me an appointment with the best therapist available on my preferred day who specializes in the technique. We made it a 90 minute massage (using 1.5 prepaid massages), with 30 minutes of cranial sacral massage and an hour of full body. Based on the recommendation of the hot stone therapist, I might request that the hour be spent on just my upper body.
Ironically enough, Massage Envy also has an app. It’s not compatible with my device, though, and several of the reviews advise against using it because it’s not for making appointments. That’s okay, though, in this case I think I’d much rather talk to a human being.