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Hemming and Hawing

When I shared last night’s post with Fox, he told me that he was also feeling anxious about the wedding and showed a lot of support and understanding for what I was going through. That helped so much to relieve my own anxiety, especially since he acknowledged that “it’s a big change” – yeah, it’s huge!

Especially with it being Samhain, I’ve been thinking about doing something to mark not just the beginning of our legally-recognized (and binding) life together, but the end of my life as a legally single person. I’m just not sure exactly what to do, since to my knowledge the only equivalent in this culture is a bachelor party. My and Fox’s idea of a fun bachelor party is a game night. But I’m not really looking for it to be something fun, I’m more in the mood for something solemn. There’s a lot I need to let go of because I’ve never had it and I never will. I could also really use something to help me reconnect with my spirituality.

Today (Thursday) was a good day. Mom and I had a pleasant lunch, then Fox joined me when I went to get my dress hemmed. Once we were done with the initial pinning and I didn’t have to stand still anymore, the process actually became kind of fun. We talked and laughed. I sewed the final hem in the bottom of the dress. And possibly for the first time in my life I have long sleeves that actually fit me the way they’re supposed to!

It felt wonderful to be able to walk around in that dress without having to hold the skirt up and to have the sleeves fall to just the right length. When we got home, Mom let me try on a couple of necklaces for my “something borrowed.” We agreed that a string of pearls looked the best.

Poof! Just like that, I have precisely what I’m going to wear on the big day. It feels wonderful. Even before the dress was actually hemmed, I was finding it hard to believe how stressed out I was yesterday/Wednesday. I had to tell myself that yesterday I was “wearing anxiety goggles,” which distorted my experience of everything. Today I wasn’t wearing them, so I could no longer relate to the experience I’d had while wearing them. It’s like the experiences belong to completely different realities – if by “reality” one means the current setting of my brain.

Things are falling into place and I’m finally starting to feel at peace with this whole thing. I have hair and nail appointments scheduled for next week, then we just need to show up on time with the license!

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One thought on “Hemming and Hawing

  1. Pingback: Fourth 3-Month Review | a day with depression

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